This week has been a very interesting me for relationship-wise. I’ve learned/realized a lot in a short amount of time. So yea listen to what I’m about say very carefully.
It is okay to put yourself first
I doubt this is news to anyone else besides me. When I’m in a relationship and I fall in love with someone, I love and love hard. There is nothing wrong with that. I feel like you’re suppose to love your significant other as hard as you can, that’s kinda of the point of dating. What I’m saying is that if you are giving all this love to the person and they are not giving you the same amount or an amount you are okay with back, either talk about it or break it off. It’s important to love yourself, remember that your significant other at the moment is only there for a season, you are you forever. So don’t be dumb practice self care. Acknowledge when you are not okay and make your SO aware of that. Communication is the most important part of any type of relationship. I had a problem of feeling like I couldn’t or shouldn’t talk about how I was feeling because if I did she would leave and I don’t want that because look at me, how would I ever get another woman as great as her; or that if I opened up to her I would look like “less of a man” and she wouldn’t see me as an alpha male. Reflecting this week I realized (sorta, I’m still struggling) that all this stuff is total BS! You are so important! You have to remember that the person you are dating is dating you! If they aren’t a terrible person, they are dating you because they like you and want to spend time with you. They want to hear your concerns and they want you to be open with them. Don’t be no cry baby doe. No one likes a cry baby. I didn’t say that you shouldn’t cry, I said don’t be a cry baby. No one likes people who complain about everything or refuse to do anything if they don’t get their way. Be A MAN or WOMAN. You’re an adult. Act like one.
I know everyone has heard this before, and if you’re like me you immediately thought, “that’s the problem! I suck as a person. Women don’t find me attractive, I’m this, I’m that…” Please just tell your brain to STFU. You are beautifully and wonderfully made. You have to have self-confidence. I know you’ve heard that too. It’s a hard thing to do and a thing that I’m still working on. Self-confidence is importance because it allows you maintain your individuality. It will help you from falling into the idea that you will never find another person in the world who will love. I really want you to know that. You deserve love and statistically speaking there is no way on a planet with billions of people that that person is the only person who will ever love you. For me personally, I love myself, I really do, but I think growing up as an only child has made me an extroverted introvert. If you need me to MC an event, talk to a group of people, interact with a total stranger, coo! I got you I can do that, BUT once I’m done with that I will go back to the cave that is my apartment and no one will see or hear from me for the rest of the day. There’s nothing wrong with that, but as I wrote in my previous post, I’m trying to not to be so much a homebody. When you’re homebody and you’re constantly by yourself, life gets boring and very lonely. You also begin to get very self conscious. This can be a bad thing, because you sooner or later you will begin to think that everyone sees all the insecurities you see, so what do you do, you go even further into your cave. Let me not get too far off topic, so I’ll end this by saying this: Be yourself, because you are worthy of love, there is someone out there who will love you for you. That doesn’t mean that they won’t try to change you, but the changes they encourage you to make will be for benefit. Be yourself, because if you pretend to be someone else, or try to fit yourself to what you think they want in a mate, you will eventually lose your mind. You can only pretend for so long.
Okay so that’s all I really have to say about stuff that applies to being in a relationship. Now to the hard part, moving on. I wish I could say it is simple, but it’s just not. Take moment to collect yourself… Ight. Here is the ONLY thing you need to remember:
IT DOESN’T EFFECT YOUR LIFE
Say it with me, it doesn’t effect your life. Oh they got a new boo thang, it doesn’t effect your life. They look so happy without you, (Idc what you say, everyone wants there ex to be a little miserable without them, shut-up don’t lie) it doesn’t effect your life! Unless y’all have a child together or they are physically/emotionally harming you or loved ones; NOTHING they do from the moment y’all break-up affects your personal one-of-a-kind life. SO WHY YOU WORRIED ABOUT IT?! Is their new relationship gonna make you less of a man? Will women stop wanting to date you because you have an ex? Nah Brah. Get your shit together! IT DOESN’T EFFECT YOUR LIFE! I really just want you to remember that when you get a social media update with them a person of the opposite sex (or same sex in some cases), because you know you’re gonna feel some type of way even if they just in a picture with that one overly buff cousin you didn’t know they had. Nothing they do will change who you are, expect if they ran off with your best friend, then F those hoes, you didn’t need them no way. I know this is easier said then done. I literally just came up with this as I was writing this post. I know it will help some one move forward and find the person that will love them for them. SO say it with me one more time, like actually say it aloud, IT DOESN’T EFFECT MY LIFE!
One last thing, if this person was also your best friend, please for the love of God cut off all communication for awhile! I know this will be hard, like extremely hard. You are going to feel very lonely and will have to actively fight the urge to talk to them, but you have to do this. I don’t think you have to cut off communication forever, but you need to give yourself time to heal and realize that you will find some else to confide in. If you’re like me this will also feel kinda selfish. I mean you are their best friend too and you don’t want to see them hurting, but remember this is about you. It’s okay to put yourself first. You eventually be able to completely trust someone else. Don’t force it though, take some time and truly reflect. Don’t throw a pity party, but do give yourself time to heal. Understand, that you will always love that person, but recognize that as far dating relationships go, they’re an emotional deadend. You can still be friends, but make sure when you start your friendship back up, you actually want to be friends. If you are looking for more than that, remember, they are a deadend. Nothing healthy will come from it. Move forward! Remember self-care above all else.
I love y’all and stay blessed
J is alive
Happy National Ex Day!
If you wanna talk about this stuff, HMU.