I have officially passed a year as an “adult”, whatever that means. Not much has happened over this past year. Well, actually a lot has happened. I’m not sure what I’m willing to share with the internet, but I know this, I have learned a lot about myself. I mainly learned that I don’t know myself and that all my illusions of what adult would be like were only half truths. I mainly discovered that no one fully knows what they’re doing. They just act like they do, some a lot better than others. I have a lot of stuff semi figured out and that freaks me out! My life is malleable right now, so many decisions I make right now will affect my future. Retirement, saving money, job advancement. All of these decisions I make today – man you know fuck this line of thinking. There will always be things to worry about, things to do that will have some massive effect on my future, but I can’t let those decisions cloud my present. I need to be thinking about them, yes, but I can’t let those big thoughts consume me. I have to keep my eyes on what’s in front of me. Live in the now. This is hard for me, because I have envisioned this big scary life change thing, but this past year has made me realize that I’ve been walking down my path and staring into the sun. I hope that makes sense, what I am trying to say is that I’ve been looking to much at the vision that is blinding me, a lot most to point to where I am just standing there looking at; not moving, just standing. Don’t let your vision blind you, focus on what’s ahead and use your vision to light the way.
This next year is going to be, eh, I don’t know what it’s going to be. I have plan and God has a plan; hopefully the two are pretty close to one another. I pray that I fulfil the plans he has for me. I just know that I don’t want to be where I am right now at the end of next year. I know God has something great planned for me, I will be great! I will be great, only if I work for it. If I do nothing, nothing will happen.
J is alive