Waiting is sucks. Waiting on God is so not hard, but frustrating. I want everything now. I want to be who he wants me to be now! The fact, that I can’t wake up tomorrow the CEO of a company makes me so, not mad, anxious. I want all of these things now! The real questions is, what have I done to deserve them. What work have I put in to earn them. Nothing yet. God is control is such hard phrase for me, because even though I don’t know what I’m doing I want to be in charge. I want the glory, I want people to say damn Josh look at what you’ve done. And if I continue on with this glory hungry mentality, they will be. Who do I think I am? Look at all the things God has blessed me with. The only reason I’m in the position I’m in is because of the people who I know he has placed in my life and the favor he has place on my life. Post-grad has should me that what makes “adulting” hard is simply the unknowns. For me that’s where God is. When our understanding ends, that’s where he is. Extending his hand and waiting for us to follow. He is the light in darkness/grey/unknowns.
For the past couple of days I’ve been thinking about what happens when you take a leap of faith. Not like when you hit the ground, but the what happens during the fall. Actually the more I think about it, taking a leap of faith is a terrible metaphor. Life is actually more like climbing a mountain, or going for a hike. The beginning of most hikes are marked and obvious, but then they kinda more ambiguous, and it gets easier and easier to get lost. You beginning to think to yourself, why the hell did I go on this hike. Especially on some of these Tucson hike where you look up an it feels like you are in the middle of the wilderness, but at that point you know you’re too far to turn back, so keep going. Right now I’m in the part of my life where I just off the obviously marked area of the hike, and now I’m beginning the kinda marked hike. I don’t wanna turn back, but I’m so afraid of getting lost. This is where God is showing me I’m not alone, so he is sending a crazy amount of people my way who have gone some of the paths. Okay, I’m gonna end this analogy right here.
It just comes down to this, I need to be patient and not try to do everything at once. There is only one me and I can only do one thing at time. God is in control and everything has a purpose.
J is alive…feeling better thanks Sarah